That Wasn't A Tootsie Roll!!!!

My favorite scrub tops were the ones that had two pockets on the bottom. My hands could rest in there very easily. They were also convenient for things like pens, chap stick, hair ties, thermometers, fecal loops, etc. Most of the scrubs I owned had these pockets because they were so darn handy.

We had a cat come into our veterinary office one day for her annual check up. Being promoted from Kennel Rat, I mean, Technician I was able to assist the veterinarian in many visits just like this. My job would be to go into the examination room first. I would get basic information such as weight, diet, temperature, flea control, and other very many important details. The veterinarian would then come into the room. She examined the animal, talked to the owner, and took various samples for the standard tests (with me assisting of course).

Well this particular cat was finished with her annual visit. She had a clean bill of health! She was also a little grumpy at this point. Since her mom didn't have a pet carrier I helped carry this healthy puss to the front desk. Her mom checked out and paid her bill. At this point I gave kitty kitty back to mommy, and we said our goodbyes. Since I was already up front, I took the next set of clients to the back.

This time I had a larger dog. I don't remember the breed exactly. While the owners were getting settled in the examination room, I took the time to quickly clean off the scale and exam table. I then started to get the basic information needed for the dog. As I'm talking to the owners I'm digging around in my right pocket. This is the pocket that normally holds my pen.

These owners know their dog. They are giving me all the information that I'm needing. I still can't find my pen though. As I'm speaking to them I feel around making a mental note of what's in my pocket.

"What type of food are you feeding him? (Okay there's the chap stick) Is he eating and drinking normally? (Hmmm uhhh there's a fecal loop) What are you using for flea control? (Why is there a Tootsie Roll in my pocket?) Is he on any heart work prevention (This is a very squishy Tootsie Roll. Kinda warm too.) What do you use to bathe him? (Wait, where's the wrapper?!?! Oh no I don't think this is a Tootsie Roll! I better actually look in my pocket) Well, it seems like your dog is doing pretty well (I look in my pocket). If you'll just wait a few moments I'll be right back. Apparently the cat in here before you pooped in my pocket while her mom was checking out. I'm going to wash up and then we'll get your dog's weight."

I calmly exit the room and pull my hand out of my pocket. It was smothered in cat feces. While I was feeling the "Tootsie Roll" in my pocket I smashed it all around my contents. My chap stick and hair tie had to be thrown out and the fecal loop was put in the sink for disinfecting. Luckily, we are used to getting gross things on our scrub tops in the veterinary business, so we keep spare clothes in the back. I washed my hands and under my nails real good with the soap we use to scrub up for surgery. I changed my scrub top and threw the dirty one into the laundry pile.

I join the dog and owners and complete getting my basic information. They found great amusement in the cat poop in my pocket. They didn't pick on me too bad though. They were mainly grossed out by it and said they would have screamed if their pocket had poop in it like that. Lucky them, I'm a master veterinary technician and can keep my cool under pressure!

Oh and where was my pen you ask? It was by itself in my left pocket! I found it when I threw my scrub top into the laundry pile. The joys of working with animals.

A horse is a horse of course of course

Here it is....the famed horse in the bathroom story that was promised in my first blog!

For a while I was commuting from Ocala, FL to Jacksonville, FL three days a week so I could finish getting my degree. This was a 100 mile drive one way taking 2-3 hours depending on traffic or how many cops there were on the road. Needless to say it made an arduous drive that was the bane of my existence.

After one particularly long day of class it was time to make that drive back home to Ocala. Knowing that I'd be on the road a long period of time I decided to use the little girls room before hitting the road. I'm on the first floor of our building and use the main restroom. It was one of the bigger and newer restrooms. It was a particularly nice bathroom if you ask me.

Anyway, I get in the restroom and to my satisfaction there was no one else in it. I had it all to myself. Call me crazy but it helps me to relax and enjoy my restroom experience when no one else is there. I could take as long as I wanted and not worry about someone thinking I'm a strange person. Why that would worry me, I do not know.

So I'm in my cozy bathroom stall taking a few minutes to relax and do my business before driving for 2 hours. I hear the restroom door open. I inwardly groan because I know I'll have to rush the process now to get out of there and away from the rude girl who just interrupted my personal bathroom time. As I'm thinking all this to myself I hear a clop clop clop clop sound. My first thought is, what kind of funny shoes is this girl wearing and how many are there?

Being the naturally curious person I am I start peaking out of the crack of the stall. I saw something that almost made me fall off the toilet. In walks a miniature pony with this lady! Hello?!?! A miniature pony?!?! At this point I am doing a quick recap of my day to figure out when someone slipped me a drug to make me hallucinate seeing a horse in the bathroom. Much to my surprise I was at perfect mental capacity.

I proceed to watch through the stall crack as the pony and girl go into the handicap stall. This is when I actually rush to get out of there as quickly as possible because having a horse in the bathroom with me was so very odd. I didn't even take the time to wash my hands.

As I'm going toward the parking garage and recapping the whole scene, I see a display table with several other miniature ponies. The school was infested with ponies! It wasn't just one that needed to pee; it was a bunch standing on the main lawn. This peaks my interest so I read the display table's literature.

It was about the newest trend of "Seeing Eye Ponies". I guess a Seeing Eye Dog is no longer good enough for blind people. UNF was one of the first places for people to actual watch them demonstrate how wonderful these little ponies were. If I had known the woman was blind I could have just stolen her pony and have the horse I always dreamed of owning! To make it even better, this pony could do stuff for me. I could be lazy (insert evil laugh here)! What a missed opportunity.

Me vs Mother Goose

The University of North Florida has a beautiful campus. It is full of landscaping and pretty little ponds. One of these scenic ponds is located next to the communications building. Being a communications major, I passed this small body of water every day on my way to class.

One bright beautiful day I was on my way to my first class in the communications building. Living in my own little world I did not pay close attention to my surroundings. I have a song that I'm humming in my head on my way up the path. All of the sudden a rabid goose jumps out from the bushes in front of me!

Well, okay maybe it wasn't a rabid goose. It was a big scary looking goose nonetheless. This goose had her wings spread out and neck stretched out as far as it would go. She comes running at me wings flapping and honking wildly.

What I did to offend this goose I do not know. I didn't stick around to find out. I just ran into the closest building. It was run or kick the goose. Not being one to trust my karate skills, I ran. After I gracefully ran away from a big giant goose, I proceeded to look for witnesses of said attack. To my relief there weren't any.

I learned to pass that pond with caution. Anytime I saw a goose near the walkway I went the long way around. I'd rather be late to class than attacked by a rabid goose.

Why is it that I am continually being chased by vicious animals???

When Dogs Chase People

The first strange event that I remember was in high school. I worked for our local veterinarian. When I started my job I was a "kennel technician." This is a nice way to term the job title of "pooper scooper." Basically I cleaned cages, walked dogs, and made sure everything was nice and pretty for the next day.

At one time there were two dogs boarding there while their parents were away on a fun-filled vacation. There was a little toy poodle and a gargantuan great dane. Mommie decided they should not be put in separate cages at all. We just had to keep her babies together. Being the caring people we were, we assured her that her dogs will be fine and in the same cage.

The first and last time I had to talk these two precious babies was an interesting experience. I put a leash on each dog and took them out side. It was hard keeping up with the great dane and not suffocating the toy poodle. My solution? Let the great dane run around the yard by itself while I walked the smaller dog.

It worked out very well. When it was time to go back in, the dane came right back and I put on her leash. I think to myself that I am the master kennel tech for figuring this out. I get the precious pups back inside and down stairs (yes there are such things as basements in Florida. Our kennels were kept in a basement). At this point the marvelous great dane decided she wanted to be the one to walk her poodle.

This dog literally grabbed the leash from my hand with her very large teeth and started running away! I am downstairs, alone, with this massive oooooffff of a dog that decided she is now boss. I try to get little dog away from her but she just growls and shows me her very large teeth again (the better to eat you with my pretty).

She drops the leash and little dog runs to me (who I proceed to politely throw in small kennel). Big dog did not like this and starts to chase me around barking and growling. The master kennel tech I am decides to jump in her kennel and lock myself in. Am I still the master if I'm in the cage and the dog is doing as she pleases???

After jumping up on the cage and barking/growling a few times she wonders away. She was distracted by the food bin at the end of the room. I see this as my chance. I open the cage and bolt for the stairs. I hear her behind me. I am going up these stairs as fast as I can and I know she's right there with me. I make it up, slam the door, and BAM! Big dog didn't stop at the shut door. She knocked her big head full of big teeth on it. Hahahaha!!!!!!!

At this point my coworkers look at me like I am a wild, crazy woman. I guess it doesn't help that I'm panting, have a crazed look in my eye, and laughing at the fact that the dog almost knocked herself out. I calmly informed them that the great dane was out of her cage and that she needed someone to go down and help her. I would be taking a break and not ever walking that dog ever again. I did not tell them I hid in a dog cage.

I didn't have to walk her again. The two dogs were not kept in the same cage as the bigger one saw fit to walk the poodle herself. I swear that dog laughed at me the rest of the time she was there. She knew that I was not quite the master of kennels that I pretended to be.

The Things I See

This blog is actually inspired by my mother. She told me I should write a book of all the strange things that happen to me. Instead of taking all that time and effort, I decided blogspot would be a better venue. I mean, I'm talking strange things. If it's going to be a weird event, I'm there to witness it.

I mean, how many of you have seen a horse in a public restroom? Yes, that's right horse. We'll get into more of that later as this is my first post and I'm still in the learning process of how this works. Check in periodically for the strange things that happen to me.