A Day In The Life....

Another one bites the dust!

2009-03-16T13:02:00.000-07:00

I worked in Miami that day. This means I was up by 5:30 am and not home until after dark. I get home about 7:30 pm I guess. Per my normal getting home from Miami routine I enter my apartment, kick off my shoes while telling Zach and Stella hello (my cats), go into my room, start getting changed into my PJs; so I can finally relax after a long day. This all goes to plan until I went to walk out of my room.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I screamed at the top of my lungs. It was the biggest lizard I've seen in my apartment. It was in the doorway to my bedroom. When I realized I could have stepped on it when I entered my room I screamed again!

I can handle a lot of things, but lizards are not one of them. They are just snakes with legs.

I'm starting to panic. What do I do? It's not moving! I decide to call my support group at this point. I call Kim (a friend who lives 8.7 miles away) and Jeanne (a friend who lives in Miami). I am pacing back and forth relaying my plight to them. Kim laughs and is of no help. She tells me to just pick it up and throw it outside. Hello?!?! Pick it up???? I shudder at that thought.

Jeanne, a little more helpful suggests I find out if the disgusting thing is dead or alive. This whole time it hasn't moved. I grab the broom and poke it with the handle. Its head moves up! Another scream. Since the lizard hasn't moved Jeanne suggests it is dead. I poke it again. Its head moves up again! At this point, Jeanne and I agree it has to be dead and the head movement is a reflex rigor mortis reaction of sorts.

As she's trying to walk me through how to get the lizard out of my house, I get a bout of hysteria. Jeanne suggests I call a friend who lives near by. This is a man's job! I text my friend John, but he's at work. No help there. I call Kim again who tells me she won't drive over and save me. She's so mean. I told her I'd save her from her biggest fear (cockroaches). Still a no go.

I grab a flashlight and start shining it in the lizard's face. It still doesn't move. Yep, definitely dead. I call Jeanne again, as she's the only helpful person thus far. We devise a plan of me sweeping the lizard onto something and then throwing it away outside. No touching involved.

I find an old calendar that I haven't thrown away. I couldn't tell you why I saved a calendar from 2007. I guess I figured I'd need it one day (go me!). As I go to sweep the Godzilla creature to the calendar it raises from the dead and started RUNNING in my hallway.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Zach started chasing it!

NO STOP IT NO AAAAAAAAAAA STOOOOOOOOOP!!!!!!!

I grab Zach and Stella and throw them into the bathroom. I slam the bedroom door and trap the monster in the hallway with TV trays. I inform Jeanne that the lizard is not dead: We need a new plan. She tells me that she'll come over when she's finished at work but that will take a couple hours, John wouldn't get off for a couple of hours, and Kim still wouldn't help. I was on my own. Me vs lizard. I'm figure this is my Iguana Karma from cutting off the iguana's tail with my truck (read last blog if you missed that story).

Now I have to devise a new plan :( Have I mentioned that I hate lizards? After much contemplating, screaming, crying, and begging for someone to come help me I knew what I had to do.

In my pantry I found Zach's baby litter box. It's about the size of a sheet of paper but with depth of course. I also found an old bathroom rug and packing tape. Again, items I didn't use, but saved for whatever reason.

In my greatest moment of bravery I threw the litter box over the lizard! I got him on the first try only through divine assistance because we all know how good my hand/eye coordination is.

The lizard starts to rustle around under the box causing it to move. I leap into action! I force the litter box down, I slide the calendar under the box to provide a "bottom" to the container. I use packing tape to tape the box edges to the calendar. I then slide the calendar onto the bathroom rug, wrap the rug around the litter box, and packing tape the rug close. Tada! One Christmas present wrapped lizard.

With all my courage I grab the rug wrapped litter box and run out the door of my apartment. We have a row of community garbage cans. I made a bee line for them. I feel the lizard crashing around in my make-shift lizard trap. Ewwww! I open the garbage can, throw in the lizard, and slam the lid shut. I still hear the blasted thing moving around. I ran back into my apartment, collapsed on my couch, and called Jeanne. I'm sweating, panting, and terrified there are more lizards in my place. I tell her that I have captured the lizard and threw it away!

I profusely thank her for her moral support. She's relieved that I survived the horrific ordeal. I call Kim and tell her thanks for nothing. I text John and tell him problem solved. It only took about 2 hours! I search the rest of the apartment and find not more snakes with legs. I finally calm down enough to go to shower and go to bed. All that night I had "A Tall Tale Heart" dreams about lizards in garbage cans.

2 lizards down, about a billion to go!

Overpopulated? Let Chrissy Help!

2009-01-30T07:52:00.000-08:00

A few months ago, my friend and I were driving on Dixie Highway down here is South Florida. We were searching for a used furniture store. I had just moved into my new apartment and was hoping to find inexpensive furniture, as I had none.

I was driving my truck and she was in the passenger seat. This section of Dixie is two lanes with the turn lane in the middle. As I was driving I was distracted by something sitting in the turn lane. It took a few moments for my brain to processes that it was an iguana. Iguanas are very overpopulated in South Florida. In fact my county is trying to pass an ordinance in which people who purchase iguanas have to pay a $100 license fee to discourage the whimsical purchase of a lizard. Since it rarely gets below 60 degrees down here, there isn't much that will naturally kill these huge lizards, but I digress.

Okay where was I? Oh yes, I had just determined that the large thing in the middle turn lane was a lizard. It had to be 3 to 4 feet long with its body and tail. I am thinking to myself "I hope this thing doesn't run in front of my truck." Almost simultaneously my friend, Kim, states "Oh look at the pretty lizard." At that instance, the stupid iguana runs out in front of my truck!

There's no breaking at this point, as I'd be rear ended. It's us or the lizard. Naturally I chose us. I just start screaming, gripped the steering wheel, and plowed right over the thing. After we feel and hear a slight "bump bump" I quickly look in my rear view mirror.

Kim is screaming "Did you hit it? Did you hit it?" To my amazement the lizard is on the side of the road. It lived! It's tail, however was another story. It was flopping in the middle of the road. If you've ever seen a snake with it's head chopped off and it's body still writhing, then you know what I saw this iguana's tail doing. (We'll discuss how I've seen a snake in that condition another day.)

"It's alive!" I yell, granted the iguana is staring at disbelief at its tail and then at my truck. If it could have given me the middle finger it would have. Now Kim and I are in hysterics. I'm laughing and crying so hard I can't see where I'm going. I was so relieved I didn't kill it but mortified I chopped off its whole tail. Kim is in a similar state telling me she's never seen anyone run over an iguana (apparently she doesn't know me all that well yet). Then we start pondering if iguanas tails grow back once removed. I know the little green lizards grow them back but they're tiny compared to their iguana cousins.

In the midst of my tears Kim dubs me "The Great White Lizard Hunter." A name she has fondly referred to me ever since. I think we laughed for a full hour before the tears subsided. Kim was still in awe that I had run over a lizard. To me it's just an average day with an extraordinary event it. That's my norm, right?

Birthday Cactus

2008-08-22T12:07:00.000-07:00

This is my new pet cactus that I got for my birthday from a coworker. Isn't he too cute!!! I named him Peter (after my old boss).....

Pompano: Dog, Birds, and Foot

2008-08-18T09:56:00.000-07:00

Okay, I know I've been neglecting my blog posts lately. I'm a bad bad blogger. I decided it's finally time to write a bit about the fun things I see living in Pompano Beach, FL. So here it is "Pompano: Dog, Birds, and Foot."

Dog: I was riding in the truck with my landlord headed over to Kmart. We were going to find some items to put in my backyard. I was going to pick them out and he was footing the bill. Oh yeah life is good. We're riding in his truck along US1. We both talk a lot and have problems talking over the other. It's gotten so bad that we tend to ignore the other's persistent interruptions until our points are finished. This day he was talking about mulch. I didn't know you can have a thirty minute conversation on mulch, but it is possible. So Jimmy's blabbing on about red mulch, brown mulch, dry mulch, etc. I'm listening but my attention is looking out the window. Passing us on the right is a big fat man (and I mean FAT) riding a little itty bitty mo-ped. I was very impressed this mo-ped was holding him up. In between his legs, on the platform was a dog. This is highly more entertaining than mulch so I try to interrupt Jimmy. I figured he'd enjoy seeing fat man and dog riding mo-ped. "Jimmy look at that!" I'm ignored. I try to get him to stop his mulchy talk and look right. The man seriously does not miss a beat and keeps mulch talking. The fat mad and dog are puttering away. He's going to miss it, so I'm getting peeved now. I keep saying "Jimmy look! Jimmy look!" over and over like an annoying five year old. Once he is finally done making his point about red mulch vs brown mulch he asks what I'm looking at. By this time fat man and dog are gone. I then tell Jim what I saw and he does not believe me. We proceeded to have an argument of how it is "impossible" for a fat man to ride a mo-ped with a dog.

Birds: I live three miles from the ocean. It's awesome to drive five minutes, park the car, and just be a beach bum for the day. A few weekends back, I went to the beach with a good friend of mine here. We got to the beach that day and went through our normal setting up process. She puts on SPF 50; I put on SPF 15. She opens a huge umbrella for shade; I lay out my towel three feet away from her to get away from her shade. She puts on her huge hat (just in case the umbrella missed a spot); I put on my sunglasses. Kim is a little afraid of the sun, needless to say. After we went through our ritual we both start to people watch around us. Mainly there are tourists around, the cutie pie life guards, and other beach going patrons. At this point we both notice a man walking. He has a line of birds walking in front of him, birds sitting on top of him, and a line of birds walking behind him. Kim and I look at each other to verify the other is seeing this and look back at the man. He didn't appear to be feeding the birds, yet they were there in a row. The birds would fly and trade places at times. The front birds would land on the man, the birds on the man would move to the back, and the ones in back would fly to the front. Man and birds were walking down the beach like it was an every day occurrence. I still don't know why those birds liked him so much. Maybe he had crackers in his pockets.

Foot: I live and work off of the same main road. Also on that road is a little out door mall. Sometimes during my lunch break I'll go home to eat or go walk the mall for an hour. A couple weeks ago I went to JC Penneys during my lunch break. They had a sale and I really wanted a sandwich maker with interchangeable parts. I got my small appliance and was in the truck getting ready to leave. I see a man on a mo-ped (yes they are popular down here) coming up behind my truck. Not wanting to hit the man, I wait to see where he parks so i can carefully back out of my parking spot. This is when I notice his left foot is pointing the wrong direction. It's pointing backwards instead of forwards. I decided to watch him get off his mo-ped and walk around. I have never seen someone walk with a backward foot before, so I thought this could be an interesting site. The man parked his mo-ped and turned it off. He then proceeds to pull up his pant leg, take off his prosthetic leg, turn it around, pull his pant leg back down, and get off and walk like a normal person. I couldn't figure out if he purposely pointed his fake leg in the wrong direction or if it just twisted around that way while he was out joyriding on his mo-ped....

What NOT To Eat On Summer Break

2008-06-20T11:49:00.000-07:00

As we are reaching the height of summer and neighbor kids are out of school it reminds me of my own summer break days. The sweet freedom of summer was what we started to look forward to from the first day of school. Summer days were filled with sleeping in, watching TV, swimming in Grandmama's pool, eating whenever we wanted, sleep overs, and countless other activies. There were no schedules, tests, homework (well except summer reading), and annoying teachers....just a time of possibilities.....

My mom worked in the mornings so Bryan, Andrew, and I were left with the freedom from parents until noon or so. Translated: We slept until noon or so. When we were up and about while mom was at work we would get to eat what we wanted when we wanted. Ramen Noodles for breakfast was among my favorites.

There was one day that I didn't want Ramen Noodles. I don't remember if this was because we didn't have any or I was tired of them, but for whatever reason I did not eat them that day. I searched through the pantry to find a suitable replacement. Nothing caught my eye. My search then moved to the freezer. No frozen waffles??? What was the world coming to?!? My only other choice was the refrigerator filled with left overs. After sorting through various plastic containers I found a small, unmarked bowl in the back.

I open it up to see what's inside. I sniff. Chicken Salad! JACKPOT! Oh it was in the back because obviously someone didn't want it to get eaten. I hadn't had chicken salad in a while and knew the sandwich would be great. I hurriedly make my sandwich in fear that one of my brothers would wake up and want the "spoils" of my search. Being the courteous person I am, I don't empty the container. I save some for the person who hid the chicken salad in the first place. I figured we can all share, right? I then replaced the bowl in the back where I found it.

I ate my sandwich and enjoyed every bite.

A little while later I spoke to my mom on the phone. She was checking in to see who was awake, who was asleep, and what type of chores had been done. I gave her a daily update. I mentioned that the chicken salad in the fridge was really good. There was a slight pause before she asked me what chicken salad I was talking about. I told her where I found the bowl and what it looked like that contained the chicken salad. There was another pause before she asked me if I ate all of my sandwich. I informed her that I ate it all and really liked it.

There was a longer pause this time......

My mother then explains that we didn't have any chicken salad in the refrigerator. We did, however, have some really old tuna salad that she had been meaning to throw away for a couple weeks now that was in the very container I described! Her immediate question was how did I feel??? Besides being a little put off that the "spoils of my search" were in fact spoils I felt just fine.

Lessons Learned: What NOT to eat while on summer break. Don't eat anything in the very back of the refrigerator. It's probably old, not a hidden treasure.

OR

Need your refrigerator cleaned out? Call Chrissy!

To Orange Park and Back

2008-04-18T12:53:00.000-07:00

During one of my trips home to Jacksonville it was decided that my mother, grandmother, and I would go to the Orange Park Mall. Okay, we always go shopping when I visit, I know! This time was a little on the abnormal side.

While on I295 headed to the mall, we drive past several fields. In one of them I see a dead cow. I mean "rigor mortis" dead cow. I'm talking about this cow lying on his back, feet sticking straight in the air dead cow. I promptly bring this to every one's attention. To my dismay no one else saw it! I was very disappointed that I was the only vehicle occupant to see this cow. This did ensue into a conversation of how I see strange things that most people don't get to witness (ie: Horse in bathroom, alligator eating bird). As we arrive to our destination, the dead cow was quickly replaced in our minds with Clearance Racks.

We went to a few other places that day and drove back home via the back roads. We were only a few turns away from the house when we were stopped at a red light. This very old, very beat up truck was coming towards us in the lane going the opposite direction. It looked like this man had every single one of his possessions in this clunker of a truck.

The truck wasn't moving very quickly as the driver had just turned onto the road. All of the sudden the driver leaps out of the truck! The truck is still, moving mind, you as the man rips off his t-shirt and loses a shoe during his dauntless exit. It isn't until he's running beside his truck smacking the hood with his t-shirt that we realize his truck is actually on fire. Smoke and flames are shooting out of the hood.

The light turns green. We drive quickly away so we don't explode along with this refuse of a truck. I state to my mother and grandmother: "You only got to see this because I am in the car."

I can still hear their laughter.....

25 Cent Toy Machines

2008-02-08T12:21:00.000-08:00

As kids we all love the machines that you can put a quater in and get something back! Since we don't have our own money we beg and beg for 25 cents from our parents. You might get candy, rings, stickers, tatoos, or any other form of a cheap surprise. All of this wonderment for just a quarter!

Why do I describe this childhood (well I still like those machines lol) delight? To tell you that there is one quarter machine my mother wished that she never gave my brother a quareter for. One day my brother got a plastic cockroach from a quarter machine. I guess Floridians find plastic cockroaches amusing since we're riddled with live ones . At any rate, he got this cockroach and left it in the container in our van. It proceeded to stay in the van for a long enough period of time that the whole family forgot it was there.

One sunny afternoon my mom was driving her and I home from some place or another. I was sitting in the passanger seat next to her talking. While we were talking I noticed one of the 25 cent machine containers. I discovered our plastic cockroach! This was the point I turned into Evil Chrissy. She only comes out when inspired and boy was I inspired.

My mother hates bugs: big bugs, little bugs, long bugs, short bugs, and espcially cockroach bugs! While speaking to her and distracting her, Evil Chrissy secretly takes out the plastic cockroach and stealthly puts in on her lap. I then proceed to point and scream....

"OH MY GOD A COCKROACH!"

My mommie looks down (while driving mind you) and screams louder than I've ever heard her scream. Her hands are in the air off of the steering wheel. At this point we are driving over the little bridge before turning into our subdivision and the van is swerving to the edge.

I DIED LAUGHING.

Through my laughter she realizes it's the toy and regains control of the van. Much to my surprise and dismay she did not give me the much deserved slap upside the head. I think she was too relieved that it wasn't a real cockroach. Now that I think of it, I'm surprised she didn't have a heart attack. I quickly turned back into Good Chrissy and continued laughing.

Of course now that my Magnificant Mommie reads this she probably will hit me in hindsight. When you see me again I'll show you my bruise. Just be warned, always keep track of what your kids buy from those "harmless" 25 cent toy machines.

The Circle of Life

2008-01-02T13:14:00.000-08:00

I had lived in Miami for almost a month when I got my job with FPL. Some of you might be asking the same question I asked, "What does FPL stand for?". That would be Florida Power and Light. Apparently it is a huge corporation and the utility for most of south Florida. JEA even gets some of their power from FPL. I didn't know this until the day of my job interview when I read the sign in the parking lot.

Thankfully I was hired despite my lack of acronym knowledge. My first day was in August of 2005. When I drove to work I would pass a series of canals. Miami is lined with them to prevent flooding. I always referred to them as "moats" as they surround the whole city. Though Miami is a far cry from any type of kingdom or castle.

During my first week of work I was stopped at a red light waiting to turn right. A flurry of motion in the canal next to me caught my eye. At first glance I see a huge white egret looking bird. My initial thought was that this bird was catching a fish. I also thought this would be an interesting event to see and later describe, so I keep watching.

Upon closer inspection I see that the bird isn't eating a fish at all. The bird was being eaten by an alligator! Now this was weird! I mean for some reason I found it all good and well that I bird would be eating a fish. To see an alligator eating a bird was just grotesque. I couldn't help but watch! I sat there until the people behind me were honking at me to turn. Couldn't they see the horrific massacre that was happening right beside us?!?

The first thing I had to do was TELL someone what I had just seen. Since this is my first week at work the only person I knew was my boss. Apparently, this isn't something that is seen every day in Miami. He's lived there his whole life and never had seen an alligator in the canals much less eating a bird. He also thought I was rather strange since I kept going on and on about it. Once again, I had seen something that most people don't see.

So the circle of life even happens in Miami. Bird eats fish; alligator eats bird; Cuban eats alligator. What more can you ask for?

That Wasn't A Tootsie Roll!!!!

2007-11-02T13:11:00.000-07:00

My favorite scrub tops were the ones that had two pockets on the bottom. My hands could rest in there very easily. They were also convenient for things like pens, chap stick, hair ties, thermometers, fecal loops, etc. Most of the scrubs I owned had these pockets because they were so darn handy.

We had a cat come into our veterinary office one day for her annual check up. Being promoted from Kennel Rat, I mean, Technician I was able to assist the veterinarian in many visits just like this. My job would be to go into the examination room first. I would get basic information such as weight, diet, temperature, flea control, and other very many important details. The veterinarian would then come into the room. She examined the animal, talked to the owner, and took various samples for the standard tests (with me assisting of course).

Well this particular cat was finished with her annual visit. She had a clean bill of health! She was also a little grumpy at this point. Since her mom didn't have a pet carrier I helped carry this healthy puss to the front desk. Her mom checked out and paid her bill. At this point I gave kitty kitty back to mommy, and we said our goodbyes. Since I was already up front, I took the next set of clients to the back.

This time I had a larger dog. I don't remember the breed exactly. While the owners were getting settled in the examination room, I took the time to quickly clean off the scale and exam table. I then started to get the basic information needed for the dog. As I'm talking to the owners I'm digging around in my right pocket. This is the pocket that normally holds my pen.

These owners know their dog. They are giving me all the information that I'm needing. I still can't find my pen though. As I'm speaking to them I feel around making a mental note of what's in my pocket.

"What type of food are you feeding him? (Okay there's the chap stick) Is he eating and drinking normally? (Hmmm uhhh there's a fecal loop) What are you using for flea control? (Why is there a Tootsie Roll in my pocket?) Is he on any heart work prevention (This is a very squishy Tootsie Roll. Kinda warm too.) What do you use to bathe him? (Wait, where's the wrapper?!?! Oh no I don't think this is a Tootsie Roll! I better actually look in my pocket) Well, it seems like your dog is doing pretty well (I look in my pocket). If you'll just wait a few moments I'll be right back. Apparently the cat in here before you pooped in my pocket while her mom was checking out. I'm going to wash up and then we'll get your dog's weight."

I calmly exit the room and pull my hand out of my pocket. It was smothered in cat feces. While I was feeling the "Tootsie Roll" in my pocket I smashed it all around my contents. My chap stick and hair tie had to be thrown out and the fecal loop was put in the sink for disinfecting. Luckily, we are used to getting gross things on our scrub tops in the veterinary business, so we keep spare clothes in the back. I washed my hands and under my nails real good with the soap we use to scrub up for surgery. I changed my scrub top and threw the dirty one into the laundry pile.

I join the dog and owners and complete getting my basic information. They found great amusement in the cat poop in my pocket. They didn't pick on me too bad though. They were mainly grossed out by it and said they would have screamed if their pocket had poop in it like that. Lucky them, I'm a master veterinary technician and can keep my cool under pressure!

Oh and where was my pen you ask? It was by itself in my left pocket! I found it when I threw my scrub top into the laundry pile. The joys of working with animals.

A horse is a horse of course of course

2007-10-24T07:43:00.001-07:00

Here it is....the famed horse in the bathroom story that was promised in my first blog!

For a while I was commuting from Ocala, FL to Jacksonville, FL three days a week so I could finish getting my degree. This was a 100 mile drive one way taking 2-3 hours depending on traffic or how many cops there were on the road. Needless to say it made an arduous drive that was the bane of my existence.

After one particularly long day of class it was time to make that drive back home to Ocala. Knowing that I'd be on the road a long period of time I decided to use the little girls room before hitting the road. I'm on the first floor of our building and use the main restroom. It was one of the bigger and newer restrooms. It was a particularly nice bathroom if you ask me.

Anyway, I get in the restroom and to my satisfaction there was no one else in it. I had it all to myself. Call me crazy but it helps me to relax and enjoy my restroom experience when no one else is there. I could take as long as I wanted and not worry about someone thinking I'm a strange person. Why that would worry me, I do not know.

So I'm in my cozy bathroom stall taking a few minutes to relax and do my business before driving for 2 hours. I hear the restroom door open. I inwardly groan because I know I'll have to rush the process now to get out of there and away from the rude girl who just interrupted my personal bathroom time. As I'm thinking all this to myself I hear a clop clop clop clop sound. My first thought is, what kind of funny shoes is this girl wearing and how many are there?

Being the naturally curious person I am I start peaking out of the crack of the stall. I saw something that almost made me fall off the toilet. In walks a miniature pony with this lady! Hello?!?! A miniature pony?!?! At this point I am doing a quick recap of my day to figure out when someone slipped me a drug to make me hallucinate seeing a horse in the bathroom. Much to my surprise I was at perfect mental capacity.

I proceed to watch through the stall crack as the pony and girl go into the handicap stall. This is when I actually rush to get out of there as quickly as possible because having a horse in the bathroom with me was so very odd. I didn't even take the time to wash my hands.

As I'm going toward the parking garage and recapping the whole scene, I see a display table with several other miniature ponies. The school was infested with ponies! It wasn't just one that needed to pee; it was a bunch standing on the main lawn. This peaks my interest so I read the display table's literature.

It was about the newest trend of "Seeing Eye Ponies". I guess a Seeing Eye Dog is no longer good enough for blind people. UNF was one of the first places for people to actual watch them demonstrate how wonderful these little ponies were. If I had known the woman was blind I could have just stolen her pony and have the horse I always dreamed of owning! To make it even better, this pony could do stuff for me. I could be lazy (insert evil laugh here)! What a missed opportunity.

Me vs Mother Goose

2007-10-19T12:50:00.000-07:00

The University of North Florida has a beautiful campus. It is full of landscaping and pretty little ponds. One of these scenic ponds is located next to the communications building. Being a communications major, I passed this small body of water every day on my way to class.

One bright beautiful day I was on my way to my first class in the communications building. Living in my own little world I did not pay close attention to my surroundings. I have a song that I'm humming in my head on my way up the path. All of the sudden a rabid goose jumps out from the bushes in front of me!

Well, okay maybe it wasn't a rabid goose. It was a big scary looking goose nonetheless. This goose had her wings spread out and neck stretched out as far as it would go. She comes running at me wings flapping and honking wildly.

What I did to offend this goose I do not know. I didn't stick around to find out. I just ran into the closest building. It was run or kick the goose. Not being one to trust my karate skills, I ran. After I gracefully ran away from a big giant goose, I proceeded to look for witnesses of said attack. To my relief there weren't any.

I learned to pass that pond with caution. Anytime I saw a goose near the walkway I went the long way around. I'd rather be late to class than attacked by a rabid goose.

Why is it that I am continually being chased by vicious animals???

When Dogs Chase People

2007-10-12T06:59:00.000-07:00

The first strange event that I remember was in high school. I worked for our local veterinarian. When I started my job I was a "kennel technician." This is a nice way to term the job title of "pooper scooper." Basically I cleaned cages, walked dogs, and made sure everything was nice and pretty for the next day.

At one time there were two dogs boarding there while their parents were away on a fun-filled vacation. There was a little toy poodle and a gargantuan great dane. Mommie decided they should not be put in separate cages at all. We just had to keep her babies together. Being the caring people we were, we assured her that her dogs will be fine and in the same cage.

The first and last time I had to talk these two precious babies was an interesting experience. I put a leash on each dog and took them out side. It was hard keeping up with the great dane and not suffocating the toy poodle. My solution? Let the great dane run around the yard by itself while I walked the smaller dog.

It worked out very well. When it was time to go back in, the dane came right back and I put on her leash. I think to myself that I am the master kennel tech for figuring this out. I get the precious pups back inside and down stairs (yes there are such things as basements in Florida. Our kennels were kept in a basement). At this point the marvelous great dane decided she wanted to be the one to walk her poodle.

This dog literally grabbed the leash from my hand with her very large teeth and started running away! I am downstairs, alone, with this massive oooooffff of a dog that decided she is now boss. I try to get little dog away from her but she just growls and shows me her very large teeth again (the better to eat you with my pretty).

She drops the leash and little dog runs to me (who I proceed to politely throw in small kennel). Big dog did not like this and starts to chase me around barking and growling. The master kennel tech I am decides to jump in her kennel and lock myself in. Am I still the master if I'm in the cage and the dog is doing as she pleases???

After jumping up on the cage and barking/growling a few times she wonders away. She was distracted by the food bin at the end of the room. I see this as my chance. I open the cage and bolt for the stairs. I hear her behind me. I am going up these stairs as fast as I can and I know she's right there with me. I make it up, slam the door, and BAM! Big dog didn't stop at the shut door. She knocked her big head full of big teeth on it. Hahahaha!!!!!!!

At this point my coworkers look at me like I am a wild, crazy woman. I guess it doesn't help that I'm panting, have a crazed look in my eye, and laughing at the fact that the dog almost knocked herself out. I calmly informed them that the great dane was out of her cage and that she needed someone to go down and help her. I would be taking a break and not ever walking that dog ever again. I did not tell them I hid in a dog cage.

I didn't have to walk her again. The two dogs were not kept in the same cage as the bigger one saw fit to walk the poodle herself. I swear that dog laughed at me the rest of the time she was there. She knew that I was not quite the master of kennels that I pretended to be.

The Things I See

2007-10-08T07:45:00.001-07:00

This blog is actually inspired by my mother. She told me I should write a book of all the strange things that happen to me. Instead of taking all that time and effort, I decided blogspot would be a better venue. I mean, I'm talking strange things. If it's going to be a weird event, I'm there to witness it.

I mean, how many of you have seen a horse in a public restroom? Yes, that's right horse. We'll get into more of that later as this is my first post and I'm still in the learning process of how this works. Check in periodically for the strange things that happen to me.